"You're So Smart!"

Dimitri (age 3) found some number flashcards when we were at the lending library.  He wanted to put them in order but half the numbers were on one side an the other half on the other.  So I told him that he could order them either from 1-50 or from 51-100.  He enthusiastically picked 51-100 and set to work.  He located the 51 and put in on the floor then found the 100 and put it next to the 51.  "51, 52, 53, 54..." he said as he moved the 100 card further and further from the 51.  He continued this way until he got to 100 and left the card in it's spot.  "There!" For the next 30 minutes he searched for the cards he needed (he had mixed them up and scattered them all over the table) and put them in order on the floor from 51 to 100.  He was totally focused - in the zone.

When he finished we all cheered!  For my part that was partially because he did great work and partially because I had needed to go to the bathroom since he hit the 60's and was now ready to burst.  I just didn't want to interrupt him when he was in the flow.  AH! The flow!!

The woman who runs the lending library asked me if she could give him a treat for being so "good."  I said yes but wish I would have said, "Yes, but please praise him for his work and not for being smart or good."  I'm still working on having the courage to say what I want to say, Sara Bareilles, but I'll get there someday.  So she said, "Dimitri, you are so smart!! Would you like a treat?" and to include my daughter (who is usually noticed second because she's not a performer and she's not as young as Dimitri) she said, "And Athena, you have been so good too, would you like a treat?"  I have so many problems with this system of "You're Good! You're Smart! Have a cookie!" but I love this lady so much- she is amazing.  I just didn't have it in me to ask her not to do it.

A week later we were walking to the lending library again when Athena (age 4) asked me, "Hey Mom, when we do something good at the lending library will you tell us we did a good job?"
"Sure!"
"But don't say it quietly or whisper it in our ears."
"Ok..."
"Just tell us how good we are and say it loudly!"
Suddenly I got it.  "Are you trying to get Cheryl to give you another treat?"
"Yeah!! So just tell us we're smart loud enough that she can hear!"

And... I'm the kind of person who can't leave a well thought out plan like that undone. So we did it.  And they got their treats.