Bringing out the Genius

I came into parenting with the belief that the right environment and nurturing could turn any child into a gifted child.  Now I believe that genes probably have something to do with it, but I still think giftedness can be coaxed out of children.  If nothing else, you'll develop a deeply meaningful relationship with your child.

Bringing out the genius in your kids is more about your mindset than your method.  Here are a few important principles that have set the foundation for my method of parenting:

1. Don't belittle your children.  

When the father of Malala (the youngest ever Nobel Peace Prize recipient) was asked why his daughter is so strong, he replied, "Because I didn't clip her wings." (see his TED talk here)  Children are born with their own unique set of gifts, strengths and talents that will manifest naturally if they are not held back by their parents.

I have seen parents acting like they believe their children are insane, idiotic, or out to get them. That mindset will clip your children's wings for sure.  It'll generate criticism and contempt which creates an environment that is unfit for learning, creativity, and growth.  

2. See your child for the amazing beings they are.  

Human beings are incredible! The things people are capable of doing are astounding, whether the person is gifted, mentally or physically handicapped, or wonderfully average.  Think of what the most intelligent animal in the world is capable of: mimicking voices, communicating with sounds, creating basic tools, doing tricks.  Human children- even as young as a year old- are capable of vastly more than this.  The human brain is phenomenal.  Remembering this helps me to see and appreciate the incredible things my children do and the amazing beings they are.

3. Nurture curiosity and a love of learning in yourself. 

Our kids see us reading, spending money on audio books & spending time listening to them, asking questions & seeking out the answers, and getting excited about things like trips to the planetarium.  They learn to value these things because we value them.

4. Never try to force learning.

I remember watching a father try to force his young son to talk.  The boy was, in the dad's mind, plenty old enough to be talking.  As the dad engaged in a battle of wills with his son, the son closed off more and more until the dad, angry and tired, finally quit.  Force only breeds resistance and resentment.  We always keep learning fun and light especially with young children.  If they decide they aren't interested anymore, we move on.  We neither clip their wings nor push them off a cliff to try to force them to fly.

These four principles have helped us create an environment in our home where are children feel safe to take risks, try new things, and pursue their interests.  

Amelia Earhart

Who Was Amelia Earhart?
Ben and I are always looking for great books to share with our kids.  We knew about the "Who Was" series and were excited to see that we could buy them on Audible.  We've been listening to Who Was Amelia Earhart when we go places as a family.  One Sunday afternoon we were nearing our destination and the story was coming to a close.  Amelia had broken numerous flight records, fought for women's rights, and died after nearly flying around the entire globe.  The narrater ended the story with an inspirational message- something like "Amelia Earhart showed that if you work for your dream, you can do anything you want."

To which Athena replied matter-of-factly, "Except fly around the world!"

"Pi-yot"

During bath time today Dimitri asked, "Do pi-yots only have one eye?"  I answered, "No, they need two eyes so they can see where they're flying." And then returned to washing baby Lizzy.
"No! Do pi-yots only have one eye!?"
"I think you're thinking of a cyclops."
"No! You're wrong! Pi-yots! ... Pi-yots!  It has an R in it."
I finally got it.  "OH PIRATES! Yes, pirates are often portrayed with one eye and a patch over the other."
At this he gave a satisfied smile and went back to playing with the bath toys.

Ah the joys of being able to spell when you're 3.

Fascinations

My little gifties have gone through many periods of fascination with various things.  I do whatever I can to encourage their little loves.

At 18 months old Athena had a fascination with the moon.  She'd point it out anytime she could and ask to go out at night to see it.  I'd make up songs about the moon and sing them to her.  I came up with a little tune I could play on the guitar and played the song while she danced around.

Around that same time she was also learning sign language and loving that!  We'd watch Signing Time videos together and practice every day.  I recorded in her journal all the sign language words she knew and it was over 50 signs.  We couldn't always understand what she was saying so her knowing so many signs really enhanced our ability to communicate.

Dimitri has had different fascinations than Athena.  At 1 1/2 he loved to write.  He took chalk and just drew all over everything with it.  At first I thought it was drawing he loved but as time went on I could see that it was a fascination with letters, not drawing, that inspired him.  He began asking me to write different letters and he'd watch as I did.  Every day, all day, he'd make his requests, "Write an A!" "Write a B!" "Write a T!" "Write an O!"  I did my best to encourage this by happily pulling out a paper and pen and writing the letters he asked for but I had other things to do as well!  Once while making dinner the requests started again "Write an H! Write an R!"  I explained that I'd love to but I'm making dinner right now.  He kept asking so I got a paper and pencil out and handed it to Athena (who was about 3 at the time).  "Here, honey, write letters for Dimitri."  I didn't think she could actually do it, I just thought she would pretend and it'd be enough to distract Dimitri while I made dinner.  Suddenly Dimitri started yelling "i! i! i! i!" Sure enough, she had written an I.  She wrote a few other letters that day as well- i, H, T, and O.  Not too long afterwards Dimitri was writing letters himself.  His favorite thing was to write his name. Everywhere.  On paper, cement, doors, in legos, with play dough. Oh, he loved it.



About a year later Dimitri was fascinated by something else: US Geography.  We bought a puzzle of the United States and he was so fascinated by it that I drew up a US map on some butcher paper and we all colored it together.  Dimitri is so fun to watch when he gets excited.  He jumps up and down, claps, and exclaims "Yes! That's it!"  He would see states in his food. He would see states in cracks in the cement, he saw them everywhere.


We had so much fun with it.  We learned a states song, colored pictures, talked about which states extended family members lived in, imagined visiting new states, discussed animals and plants that lived in different parts of the country, and put that puzzle together hundreds of times (always singing the song and pointing to the states once we got it together).  We found a map painted on the ground at a park and oh he went crazy for that!  He loved it so much that I formed a whole preschool curriculum around world geography.  But that's another story.

The Lorax- Memorized

When Athena was 2 she loved to have The Lorax read to her over and over and over.  Pretty soon she had it memorized and could recall it with just a few cues.

The whole recording is 17 minutes long so I cut it down to 5 because even though it's adorable, 17 minutes is too long. :)

"You're So Smart!"

Dimitri (age 3) found some number flashcards when we were at the lending library.  He wanted to put them in order but half the numbers were on one side an the other half on the other.  So I told him that he could order them either from 1-50 or from 51-100.  He enthusiastically picked 51-100 and set to work.  He located the 51 and put in on the floor then found the 100 and put it next to the 51.  "51, 52, 53, 54..." he said as he moved the 100 card further and further from the 51.  He continued this way until he got to 100 and left the card in it's spot.  "There!" For the next 30 minutes he searched for the cards he needed (he had mixed them up and scattered them all over the table) and put them in order on the floor from 51 to 100.  He was totally focused - in the zone.

When he finished we all cheered!  For my part that was partially because he did great work and partially because I had needed to go to the bathroom since he hit the 60's and was now ready to burst.  I just didn't want to interrupt him when he was in the flow.  AH! The flow!!

The woman who runs the lending library asked me if she could give him a treat for being so "good."  I said yes but wish I would have said, "Yes, but please praise him for his work and not for being smart or good."  I'm still working on having the courage to say what I want to say, Sara Bareilles, but I'll get there someday.  So she said, "Dimitri, you are so smart!! Would you like a treat?" and to include my daughter (who is usually noticed second because she's not a performer and she's not as young as Dimitri) she said, "And Athena, you have been so good too, would you like a treat?"  I have so many problems with this system of "You're Good! You're Smart! Have a cookie!" but I love this lady so much- she is amazing.  I just didn't have it in me to ask her not to do it.

A week later we were walking to the lending library again when Athena (age 4) asked me, "Hey Mom, when we do something good at the lending library will you tell us we did a good job?"
"Sure!"
"But don't say it quietly or whisper it in our ears."
"Ok..."
"Just tell us how good we are and say it loudly!"
Suddenly I got it.  "Are you trying to get Cheryl to give you another treat?"
"Yeah!! So just tell us we're smart loud enough that she can hear!"

And... I'm the kind of person who can't leave a well thought out plan like that undone. So we did it.  And they got their treats.

Preschool

Homeschooling was always part of my plan for Athena & Dimitri.  By the ages of (almost) 2 and (barely) 3 they were voraciously eating up any information that I fed them so Preschool sounded like a great way to continue their education even though it was a bit "early" for it.  After I started I realized that my kids actually behave better when they have structured learning time during the day!  They have this intense curiosity about the world and Preschool served as a means of directing that curiosity so they didn't feel the need to empty out my cupboards or find out what happens when you drop a vase etc.  They didn't really have time for it either.  We'd fill up the morning with 2 or 3 hours of Preschool (that included a 1/2 hour snack time) followed by some outside play time, lunch, and quiet time.

Preschool was always fun.  If one of my kids wasn't having fun we'd switch activities.  We rarely did any activity for more than 10 or 15 minutes.  They loved it!  I found short YouTube videos on letters, numbers, colors, and such and we'd watch one or two each day. In addition to that I had a character trait of the week.  We focused on honesty, integrity, perseverance, kindness, etc.  We'd talk about one for a week and then move on to the next one.  Some of the preschool activities centered around these virtues.  We'd go to the library once a week to get new books and Leapfrog or Signing Time videos. I babysat a little girl a few days a week and she'd join in on the fun.  She really enjoyed our little preschool as well.

I think one of the most important things about doing preschool with my kids was the focused attention they got from me.  It was mommy and kids time and they loved it!  And it gave me a good reason to step away from chores and other household duties and just focus on getting to know my kids, finding out what they loved and then creating games, activities and projects around their interests.